BEST STORY EVER | AUSTIN SMITH

Date: November 29, 2017 Author: Jesse Fox Categories: features
Back

Pissed

As told to King Snow...

Two thousand sixteen Rat Race at Mt. Hood—After the race, there's always a cook-out, bonfire, and Aaron Blatt the photographer plays the guitar and gets everyone pretty riled up. We didn't get a permit to do the event, and because it’s held in a State Park, it’s always a touchy situation. We’ve got in trouble a few times up there. It's a big night. It's a long week and a long weekend and we’ve been “unwinding” and whatever.

Anyways, it’s the morning after and I get woken up by someone pounding on the side of the truck that I'm passed out in. Knocking on the side of the truck saying, "Is Austin Smith in there? Is Austin Smith in there?"

So I wake up and I'm like, holy shit, where am I? Okay, I'm in the back of some truck. I look left and right, I have a girl on either side of me, two “friends.” I open the tailgate and a cop is standing there.

Tail Grab, Bend. Oregon. [o] Pete Alport

He says, "Hey, Austin. We need to talk about what happened here yesterday….yadda yadda yadda.”

We're chatting for a second, and I'm butt naked, girl on either side and I'm talking to the cop at the end of the truck. It's just bad situation so I'm like, "Hold on one second, let me get out of here."

I climb out of the back of this truck, it's broad daylight early the next morning, I'm butt naked crawling out of the truck, my mom, the sweetheart, is helping clean up a little bit down the way. It's an all-around a pretty bad look.

 

“I open the tailgate and a cop is standing there. He says, ‘Hey, Austin. We need to talk about what happened here yesterday.’”

 

I’m talking to the cop about the night before, trying to deny what was going on and how many people were there. See, there’s a limit of 75 people you can have for a “random gathering.” We knew this so Brian Fox kind of gave the cop the same answer. He's like, "I don't know exactly how many people were here, we were pretty busy running around. Probably like 70 people or something?” And he asked me too, "Man, it was tough to tell. I don't know, like 50, 60, maybe 70." But unfortunately, he also talked to my mom who was very excited about the turnout. She cooks all the food and she was super proud, “Seventy?! No, there was probably 300 people or so! You would have loved it!” And the cop’s like, "Motherfuckers."

So he's all pissed off. And while I’m trying to deal with it all the two girls from the truck pack up their car and drive away quickly. I try to get a goodbye to them and they're super short, shooting me bad looks. I'm like, that's weird. It’s kind of an awkward morning. So they leave, and once the cop leaves, I'm talking to Curtis (Ciszek) and he's like, "Man, you hear what you did last night?" I say, "Huh?... What do you mean?" He's like, "Oh, you pissed all over Maddie's (one of the girls) back last night! She had to wake you up and kick you out of her truck because you pissed the whole bed."

So I pissed on both the girls, got kicked out by the cops, and got summoned to go to court for the party we threw. It was just a terrible, terrible situation… then I got pissed on a few days later so I guess it all balanced itself out.

[o] Pete Alport