(Unless It’s Now and Just For a Second)
Don’t Ever Look Back: The Four Greatest Snowboarding Tattoos
By Robjn Taylor
Are these the four greatest snowboarding tattoos of all time? Yes, of course they are, because why wouldn’t they be? Let us revel in their unflinching majesty, let us investigate the truisms that they preach!
1. Here we have Spiderman doing an Indy-bomb while dodging bombs. Such a sick nosebone. The rectangular tips of his board are very fashionable and way ahead of their time, probably not supposed to come out until next year. Most importantly, notice how he has no bindings. That’s because he’s all sticky like a spider, and he gets to decide when and how he turns that stickiness on and off. I’m not sure how it works but he uses this same power to get dog hair off of his sweaters. This image tells us that if you adhere to your pre-conceived idea of the future, you might miss explosive opportunities.
2. Behold, the genius of this one is that there seems to be no subtext. It’s a straightforward proclamation: snowboarding. But wait, it’s in a Latin font that looks like Kanji. This could be a statement about how even when we think we’ve communicated ourselves as clearly as humanly possible, others will still interpret our words differently, perhaps even as a language that they don’t actually know. Mesmerized by this message, I asked the bearer of these tattooed tidings for clarification. He responded, “I don’t know. A drug dealer gave it to me when I was 15.”
3. OK, this one isn’t literally of snowboarding, but the snow gun postulated as “savior” gives us a lot to work with between the lines. In spite of global warming, man has conquered weather and/or God, and this here is the symbol of that power that will shower us with its own heavenly secretions. Savior indeed! Then again, maybe it just means that we have to take responsibility for our own destiny. It’s a call-to-action, in the shape of a salt-shaker penis.
4. If Spidey Indy is the Yin, then Moose Method is definitely the Yang. The universe strives for such balance. Our Moose amigo here is cranking it out, while holding a pint of some delicious frothy beverage. This crystal-clear depiction of multitasking reminds us that time is precious. The orientation of the “G” on the base (Garfs!) suggests that this is a Switch Method and, as we all know, you can work on Switch Methods forever but they’ll never be the same as your regular Method. The takeaway here is that you can learn to manage time but you can’t defy it. But hell, we might as well try. Stare deep into the eyes of that moose. You’ll see.