FRENCH FRAGRANCE | SPAM 01
Can you smell that? French Fragrance cooking up Spam. It looks much better than it sounds. Clever clips from an exceptional crew....
Leaving Las Vegas?
A long time ago, I’m the random-ass new Canadian kid on the Technine team. Nineteen years old and I just got on with my faves: MFM, Lucas Magoon, Chris Bradshaw—I was tripping out. They told me I was on the “pro” team, although I wasn’t making a dollar. But I was finally able to tell my parents I was a professional snowboarder and that they could chill out because I was about to start buying cars and houses. You know, like the stuff you see in the movies, that JP Walker and MFM kinda flash. Big things were happening for this Winnipeg kid, and I was stealing Kevin Griffin’s old Technine shirts to make it look like I was getting loot after the drop of my latest 1/2 part in new Sandbox video.
Around the holidays that winter I made an edit with Jake Kuzyk, and my Technine team manager must have seen that shit because I got a call pretty damn soon after that came out. He asked me if I wanted to go on a Technine team trip to Salt Lake with Yan Dolfin and Lucas Magoon. The plan was to meet at the SIA Trade Show in Las Vegas, then fly to Salt Lake. Obviously, I kept it chill and said yes but really I was losing my shit. I’m like BOOM, it’s on. I’m gonna film for the new Finger on the Trigger movie, go for broke and blow the fuck up.
I call my parents to get them to book my flight, they were confused on why they were paying for the plane ticket to Las Vegas but I told them, “Trust me, I’m pro. This is how it all happens.” I pack my bags, make sure I have all my used T9 T-shirts from Griff so when I touch down in Las Vegas people are like, “Damn, is that Jody Wachniak? The Ukrainian kid from Oakbank, Manitoba!? I just saw his half-part in Sandbox. Kid’s fire, probably here for a dope-ass Technine trip. Peep that XXL Technine T-shirt.”
I touch down in Las Vegas. Here I am, kinda anticipating seeing a sign with my name on it, but there’s just hundreds of hungover people going home broke. Kinda stressful, I hop in a cab and head to the trade show. I mean, I’m 19, no phone (this was pre everyone in the world has a phone era), no Visa card, only: my board bag, wheelie bag, and backpack.
I arrive at the show covered in sweat from the massive excess luggage I bought (I’m a first timer, whatever) and—boom—pros are everywhere, like every single one of them. I’m fully tripping out but I gotta stay focused, I’m here on business. I can’t mess this up. Hell, I might need to catch a plane soon and start filming for this Technine movie.
I’m at the entrance of the show and apparently I need credentials, clearly someone hasn’t seen my newest edit from Kuzyk. Luckily I see Simon Chamberlain and he gets me inside because we homies. He asks why in the world I brought my board bag to a trade show. I tell him about my big trip, he’s hyped for me. We start walking and they’re pros and more pros, like every character from Amped 2 and then finally we get to the Technine booth. I’m so excited, the whole team is there. Eric Messier is playing the piano, it’s popping off. Simon finds the team manager and he introduces me. He’s like “Yo, what’s good? Jody, right? Shit, I kinda forgot to tell you. The trips all full homie. Sorry, no room for you. Anyways, I gotta get back with a client.” I’m like, don’t you panic Jody, not now. Do. Not. Panic.
I walked out of the booth past everyone on the team because no one saw my 1/2 part in Sandbox or my Kuzyk edit over the holidays, and I just start walking around the trade show. Everyone is looking at me like, “Who’s the idiot that brought the board bag?!” I don’t know what to do, I’m 19 and I’m way too embarrassed to call my parents and tell them what happened. So, I sat down and started crying. Just kidding. I walked to the Electric booth and Cyle Cadam a.k.a. Creeps was there, the booth is packed with escorts, but I didn’t mind. I hung with those ladies until I felt a little better. Then outta know where I see a true legend… Rube Fucking Goldberg! I run over to him and explain my situation. He’s all, “Shit kid, I don’t know who you are but here’s the key to my hotel room with Helen Schettini make yourself at home.” Wow, Rube, you are the coolest person alive. I was beyond devastated that the Technine trip fell through, but I dropped my bags off with Rube at the MGM and told myself two things. 1.You’re quitting Technine. 2.You’re going out tonight!
Later that night I was gambling at the Hard Rock, completely hammered I was chased out of the casino for my being underage and all. I jumped into a limo with Kale Stephens and Kevin Griffin and never looked back… that was until I eventually had to call my parents and tell them the story. My mom completely lost it and booked me a flight home. The End.